Meditating is hard. No one tells you that. You can't just light a few candles. put on some Enya, and go right into enlightenment. The human mind is intense and always racing, especially mine. So trying to sit still in one place for even 10 minutes was something I had to convince myself I could even do. I use to hate slowing down. The feeling of inadequacy, shame, and anxiety would be so overwhelming that I needed to just keep moving opting for mindless activities that I felt would drown out my ever racing mind. Just keep moving...
But as time has gone on, I am improving. My therapist always reminds me that is is a practice, which means you have to practice. So here I am each morning clearing my mind and checking in with myself. It's been such a huge part of healing journey which is what I share it with you now.
I have a little ritual. I love to sage. I really do. To me, it really feels like it clears out the negative energy around the house. If you would have told me a year ago that I would be a guy walking around his house each day with a sage stick I most likely would have laughed in your face. But nonetheless, I sage each day.
I even have a crystal I use during meditation. Yes, a crystal! I hold and use an amethyst that is aimed at rebalancing, protection, and alleviating anxiety, fatigue and stress. I have learned that the use of talismans and amulets dates back to the beginnings of humankind, so I can't write off the use of crystals some hippy dippy practice. Egyptians and Greeks believed in the power of crystals. Chinese culture highly values jade as does the Maoris of New Zealand who are known to wear jade amulets representing the ancestor spirits, which were passed down many generations through the male line. Use of crystals for healing are referenced in the Bible, Koran, and Buddhist teachings. So while I felt silly at first incorporating healing crystals into my life, I now know the use of them are an ancient practice that I should not roll my eyes at or mock.
I have learned that it is important to find things, practices, and time to ground me each day in walking down my healing path. Its not about worrying what anyone else would think about these practices or items, its about how they make me feel and how they help me. It is teaching me to pause throughout the day, breathe, and realize that I am doing my best. Healing and healing practices take time. Breaking decades long patterns of thought is not an easy task. But I am still here each morning dedicating myself to starting each day with a positive mindset and hopeful feelings about the day ahead.