I have started to write this letter many times the past year, but I could never finish it. You instilled such a wall of secrecy in me that it took nearly 20 years to break through. You used my kind heart and compassion against me.
I would start to write and think: "What am I doing? This will ruin his life". I would start again and think: "What about his wife?" I would start again and think: "What will this do to his kids?" I finally realized these questions were never my responsibility. Your family is your responsibility and any pain that comes from my disclosure sits squarely on your shoulders. You did this to your family. I did not. I am just telling a story rooted in the absolute truth that you are sexual predator who targeted me when I was just a child.
Do you even know the wreckage you have caused in the lives of your victims? Yes, you read that correct. I said victims. I have spoken with others. You don't even know the butterfly effect you have had on their lives. You simply move on to a new town, a new district, and a new school. You leave all the consequences behind you burdening the kids whose innocence you stole with the insecurity, pain, and shame you used to meet your needs and keep your secrets.
So many people want me to curse your name and have you "rot in hell", but I am not going there. Your abuse weighed me down from years with all the negative thoughts and emotions you caused coursing through my veins. Hate is just another way to control me and you no longer have that power over me.
You disgust me. My life is centered in education and it is horrifying that you used our sacred profession to identify, groom, and abuse your victims. You used the respect that every educator deserves to draw kids into the sickness you have inside you. You don't deserve the title of educator and I hope my story strips you of any pride you feel about your career. You didn't have a career. You had years climbing the administrative ladder on the backs of the children you abused. That is the sickening reality for both you and the districts that promoted you. The signs have always been there and many chose to ignore them. My story will ensure that no one ignores the signs again. Your time in education is up. The profession, and the children it cherishes, are done with you. I will make sure of that.
You stole so many moments from me. You stole my adolescence. You clouded what should have been an amazing time in my life. You warped my self-worth. You made me keep your secrets which caused a complex of invisibility that lasted for near two decades. You made me feel like the only role I could play in any intimate relationship was to be unwanted, replaceable, and worthless. I have lived years thinking I had no character and that my core was rotten. Do you even realize the wreckage you caused as you satisfied your sick desires?
I am owning my story now. By shining light on you and the abuse you caused, I am finally standing strong in the light I have always sought. You won't take another day from me. You won't taint another memory and you will no longer make me feel worthless. You might have clouded my past, but my future is bright. I am healing and feeling stronger than ever.
I am writing the truth. I am opening up space for your other victims to live in their truth. I am forming an army of support behind me who supports me in telling my story to stop predators like you. You know there is no denying this story. There are too many of us with too many stories. The space I am creating will be filled with others. I hope that makes you nervous.
Any repercussions you feel as I tell my story are your fault and not mine. You did this. You brought this pain into your family's life. All I am doing is telling my story and my story is rooted in the truth. Your time to be held accountable is here. You need to answer for the pain you have caused me and your other victims. There will be no more secrets and no more shame. They only monster left in this story is you.
I wasn't sure I would write this letter. I talked myself out of it so many times, but this was a final step in my healing. Many might say I need to forgive you to heal and move on. I will not forgive you. I will forget you. I will forget the pain you caused and choose to live in the light of the amazing life I have created for myself.
I am not tracking you down. I am not addressing an envelope with your name and address. This is my story. This is my space. And I have no doubt this letter will reach you soon enough.
So Rodney Wright, do you feel your heart beating in your chest? Do you feel your breath catching? Do you feel the fear rising as you read my letter and story? Hows does it feel to have a little taste of what your victims have lived with for years?
I have no pleasant platitudes for you and no well wishes. This letter was for me and not you. There is no good way to end this letter because you deserve no grace.